Imagine the message in the family group chat: “Are we getting together on Sunday?”
Before anyone settles on a time the discussion has become the usual “who’s making the effort and who’s not” argument. It eventually just dies. The plan is never actually put in place.
You may recognize something similar in your family. You want to feel closer, yet attempts to connect keep leaving someone upset.
Family therapy might be worth looking into if conflict, distance or difficulty in adjusting to change is having an impact on your relationships and your day to day life. You can of course ask for help at the very point where you’re still unsure as to what needs to change.
What Is Family Therapy?
Family therapy (also known as family counselling) is all about the relationships and the way people respond to each other.
A therapist will help you to look at the issues, consider different points of view and come to an agreement as to what changes you would like to make to your practice. Sessions may involve parents and children, adult siblings, grandparents and other family members. Here are ten signs that support may be useful.
10 Signs Your Family May Need Therapy
1. Everyday Conversations Become Arguments
A reminder about chores leads to accusations. A question about plans gets an angry response. Soon, nobody remembers what started the discussion.
When family communication problems regularly turn what could be a simple conversation into a full-blown conflict, counselling can be of real value in helping you to slow things down. You can learn to express a concern in a clear way and to listen long enough to actually understand the response.
2. You Keep Returning to the Same Disagreement
An apology settles the evening, then the next week we’re back to the same argument about money, responsibilities and time.
Maybe you’d agree that something needs to change without necessarily knowing what that is. Family conflict resolution can involve being very specific about expectations, looking at whether the expectations are realistic and how you would go about re-visiting the issue prior to the frustration building up again.
3. Silence Has Become a Way to Keep the Peace
You know which topics to avoid. Personal news gets shared with friends, while family conversations stay focused on schedules and practical arrangements.
The quiet can be accompanied by sadness or a sense of being utterly unknown to those who are important to you. Counselling can provide the space to talk through what has become very difficult to say and to consider whether a greater level of openness might be possible.
4. Your Child or Teenager Is Having a Harder Time
Persistent changes in sleep, school attendance, mood, or behavior deserve attention from a qualified professional. These changes can have several causes.
Family therapy with teens can be of great value in terms of looking at communication, expectations and levels of support at home. It can also be used to determine whether the young person requires individual therapy, medical input or support at school. Their difficulties absolutely need to be understood.
5. Children Are Caught in Adult Disagreements
A child is asked to pass messages between the carers, keep an adult’s secret or decide which adult to obey.
Family counselling can help adults to deal with their disagreements more directly and to consider the impact of their behaviour on the children. It can also provide a space in which to talk about parenting expectations and to work out who is responsible for what.
6. A Major Change Has Made Family Life Unfamiliar
A separation, remarriage, move or new care giving arrangement can all have an impact on the routine and the relationships.
One person may be ready to move on and the other may still be processing what’s happened. Therapy provides a space to talk through that, to look at the roles again and to work out what practical support might be needed as each person moves through their adjustment.
7. Grief or Illness Has Made Connection Difficult
During the time of grief or as part of an ongoing illness, the family will have very different needs. One person will want to talk, another will be all about appointments and the running of the household.
Misunderstandings can develop when those responses are interpreted as indifference or avoidance. Therapy can support conversations about what each person is experiencing, what care is needed, and how responsibilities might be shared.
8. Mental Health or Substance Use Concerns Are Affecting Others
When someone is going through it, the family can feel worried, drained, confused, not quite sure what to do.
Family therapy can be of great value in facilitating discussion around needs, boundaries and how care is to be given. Individual or specialist treatment may also be required. A professional can help to assess how much family involvement is appropriate within a treatment plan.
9. Responsibilities and Boundaries Are Creating Resentment
One person will take on every appointment, will be the one to have the difficult conversations and will fill in any gaps that arise. Elsewhere an adult relative will expect you to be involved in decisions that someone else would regard as private.
If these arrangements keep on causing tension then counselling can help you to look at how they came about. You can discuss what each person needs, what they can reasonably give and which of the expectations may need to be altered.
10. Trust Is Difficult to Rebuild
After dishonesty, a broken agreement, or a painful conflict, someone may remain guarded even when others want to move on.
A therapist can help you work through the issues of accountability, boundaries and follow through. Of course each person’s choice about how much closeness and contact they’re prepared to have is going to be respected as you consider what rebuilding trust would involve.
If there’s any element of violence, intimidation or fear of reprisal then it’s advisable to access some private professional support prior to arranging any joint sessions. A separate safety assessment can be useful in terms of working out what the appropriate level of care is.
How Family Therapy Works
Early on we’ll be looking at what brought you in, how the issues impact each individual and what you’re hoping will be the outcome. We’ll talk through who should be involved and help you to establish your goals.
A goal might be to talk about the housework without raising your voice at all and walk away with an agreement that everyone can understand.
Sessions can involve guided conversation, communication practice and activities between appointments. The benefits of family therapy can be clearer expectations, a better understanding and more effective ways of dealing with conflict. Progress and length of treatment will vary.
Frequently Asked Questions
Question: Does every member of the family have to come?
Answer: It will depend on the issues and the treatment plan. The therapist may work with the family as a group, or may meet with different combinations of family members, or indeed with individuals.
Question: How can I bring up family counseling?
Answer: Choose a quiet moment and say what you’d like to see improve. You could say “I care about our relationship and I’d like some help with having these conversations.”
Question: Can family therapy help with behavioral issues?
Answer: Family therapy for the behavioural issues can look at the family interactions, the routines and the caregiver responses. An assessment will determine whether the child also needs individual therapy or some other form of support.
Question: How many sessions will we need?
Answer: The length will be dependent upon your concerns, your goals and your progress. Your therapist can put together an initial plan with you and then review that as the work progresses.
Finding Support at Good Karma Therapy
You can start with the simple observation that we’re continually getting stuck and that we’d like some assistance.
If you’re looking at family therapy in Newark, DE get in touch with Good Karma Therapy to talk through your issues and find out what’s available. Just come and tell them what’s difficult and what you’d like to see become easier.